Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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