Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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