I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
