Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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