hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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