Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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