in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
