I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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