It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
