: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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