It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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