so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
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