Already got asked if we're dating
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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