where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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