My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
