dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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