Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i barfeds in our rink
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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