I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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