You're my little dorito
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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