the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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