dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
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We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
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My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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