oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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