2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
