hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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