Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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