we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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