this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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