Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
This house was built for laser tag.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
