he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
