Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize