He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
it's great music for shaving your balls
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
do nipples grow back?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
