Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
