Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
lol hangovers are for mortals.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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