I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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