i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
