you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
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