She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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