every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
