If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
