How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize