Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
