She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
His nipple licking is glorious
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