I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
These tits shall not be calmed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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