Ketchup is God's man juice
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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