he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
