I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
