Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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