We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
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i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
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Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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