successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
