Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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