she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
