i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
