Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
