He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
