just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
