Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
