Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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