why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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