another moral hangover. fuck.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
