I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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